How I learned that I need to have standards and deserve better than just someone who thinks I’m hot… the hard way

So this post follows on quite nicely from my last post and actually features the boy that I spoke about previously. Here are some real debriefing messages that I sent to my best friend following a series of dates in my second week of being single. They are pretty harsh and have been slightly edited for clarity and context, but I was learning that ruthlessness was a necessary skill. Plus it made it easier to laugh at my bad experiences this way.

Crappy date number one:

Well it was that guy from my exercise class, the one that is sort of a PT. I was due at his house at 7:30 and at 7 he messaged and asked if we can do 7:45, which I agreed to (because 15 min makes SUCH a difference. Lol). Then I asked if we could do 8 and he said yeah. So I rock up at 8 on the dot and message him asking what unit number; he said not to worry and he’ll come out and get me (note: only 4 units in the place). Five whole, actual real, non-exaggerated minutes later, he appears. He is wayyyy shorter than I remembered and super awkward. I brought beer because we were supposed to be having drinks. He says I can put them in the fridge and then pours himself a vodka and water and doesn’t offer me one. Tells me how vodka and water is so smart because it hydrates you at the same time. Then he said we could sit in the lounge or go to his room and I promptly responded with, “uh yeah couch”! The place was a mess. We sat and talked for a bit and all he did was say, “ah okay” and play with his hair, while I just tried to talk lots and not make too much eye contact. Then after about 45 minutes, he asked what I think about kissing on the first date! I swear to God I nearly lost it!!! He thought it was going well enough to get a kiss?! I said I have a firm no kissing rule. He asked how many dates to get a kiss. I said it depends on a case-to-case basis. Then he just kept talking as if nothing had happened. I was annoyed because I was going to start doing the “I’m tired” routine and I had to put that off for a bit so I didn’t seem rude. Then I finally left and he didn’t even show me to the door! I had to let myself out. I also told him to keep my beers. It was so awful!

Crappy date number two:

He was really nice, English accent, fairly attractive and we just went for after work drinks in town. We both ended up pretty wasted because we didn’t eat anything. Then we went and got wine and went back to his, with the promise that we absolutely were not having sex, which he was cool about because he actually seems to like me quite a bit. And then he ended up REALLY drunk and was getting sort of a bit emotional and clingy and wanted me to stay and sleep in his bed, just to sleep and cuddle because it’s been ages since he’s had a girl sleep over and he can’t sleep?! So I said no and he basically begged me for a while and didn’t want to let me leave and then eventually I got to go and despite my better judgments, I’ve said yes to a second date. Haha.

*to be continued*

Ugh. Second date was pretty meh. He mostly just wanted to get into my pants, which he eventually did. But it was shit and he had a bit of trouble keeping it up. In the end I was just like do what you have to to finish, I’ll just lay here.

Crappy date number three:

Went on a weiirrrddddd one on Saturday night with Ella* (our mutual friend) because he knows her from work and it was awkward as fuck! He’s an intern at [hospital where Ella works] (don’t worry, he’s a year older than me) and so I did a stalk on Facebook and I asked Ella what he’s like. He seemed kinda cute and he was really nice and super keen so I thought I’d give it a go, but I was a bit iffy on the whole intern thing – small world you know. Anyway, so I agreed to meet him with Ella and Steve* (Ella’s boyfriend) after they went on a wine tour. Little did I know, we were meeting him at a house party, not at a bar. So we went along, and got there before he did and no one at the party knew who he was. Then he finally showed up and he was kinda weird and I hardly spoke to him all night and Steve was getting quite handsy with me and then this boy said he’d walk me out. He tried to ask, “are you okay, Steve was being a bit of a dick?” and I was said I was fine, and I can handle myself. Then Ella and Steve came out the front and Ella screamed at the boy “have you kissed her yet?” So I got in my Uber and ran away and now he’s asked me out to dinner.

*not real names


So what did I learn?

  • Just because you kind of already know someone, doesn’t mean the date will go well
  • Unfortunately, there’s certain implications associated with having a first date at a boy’s house (won’t be doing that again)
  • Vodka and water is a smart choice?
  • Avoid the emotionally needy (be selfish!), even if they do have a lovely accent
  • If you’re not into it, just leave



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