A trip down memory lane AKA #whatwasithinkingtown

Before I move further forward and delve into the tangle that was to ensue in my love life, lets travel back to the loves I’ve had in the past. My best friend and I were talking about previous partners after her most recent ex left her in the lurch overseas and showed his true colours as the dick that he is. She asked me how she managed to stay with this douche for so long. I told her not to worry, we’ve all taken a trip to #whatwasithinkingtown and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

So, like I said in my first post, I’ve had three long-term boyfriends (and one other that lasted for a month when I was 13, but that’s hardly worth counting) and the further I move along in my timeline, the more I can’t help but wonder, what was I doing? The first boy, was my first real love, we were together six and a half years and practically grew up together. When I look back, the relationship started off really well, then it wasn’t so great. We fought loads, and I gradually became really unhappy, but it was so gradual that I never realised it was happening until one day I found myself kissing another boy and I questioned my entire self and morals. My self-esteem was at an all time low and I had allowed myself to cheat, something I swore I’d never do, it was my first visit to #whatwasithinkingtown and the first time I became aware that I should be in control of my own happiness.

My next relationship I’d just like to stick a massive #whatwasithinkingtown logo over the entire thing. Sure, he was sweet and he certainly loved me, but he was also selfish, a flirt and egotistical, not to mention that he lived in another state and it was always me who went to visit him. I often think that I’d like to pretend that relationship never happened, but if it didn’t I wouldn’t have learned that I genuinely deserved to be treated better than that. I’m no second-class citizen.

This brings me to my most recent ex. In hindsight, deep down, I knew it was never going to work right from the start. We were polar opposites. I’m an academic, who loves to talk, go out with friends, eat well and I’m highly ambitious. He was none of those, but he absolutely doted upon me. I took care of us and I was the only true adult in the relationship; I was responsible for all of the big decisions, taking care of our finances and the general running of our household. Suffice it to say, I grew tired of that pretty quickly and visited #whatwasithinkingtown once more, vowing to only get serious with someone who had similar traits to me and was a driven individual.

So, here I am, lessons learned, not a lot of single life lived, scared that now my expectations of any future partner are much too high, whilst at the same time scared shitless of visiting #whatwasithinkingtown again.

*****

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